Husbands and Lies

How To Deal With A Lying Spouse
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Why he says it: "Men confuse intention with action," says Hirschhorn.

Why Does My Husband Lie To Me?

Your husband plans to do the chore eventually, so in his mind, it's as good as done. How to keep him honest: Give your guy a specific deadline "Please hang up your clothes by Saturday morning" and explain why it's important that he finishes by then "My parents are coming over that day". How to keep him honest: Tell him that being lied to is worse than dealing with a big expense, and that you'd rather discuss buying high-priced items before he brings them home so that you can talk about finances rationally. Why he says it: Even when your husband is clearly worried, he may not tell you what's bugging him because men prefer to solve their own problems, says Ori Goldstein , a workshop leader who frequently works with married couples.

How to keep him honest: "Respond with, 'It seems like there's something on your mind.

Types of Financial Infidelity

Are you sure there's nothing at all bothering you? Your husband may not share everything then, but he'll be more likely to open up about one of his troubles. Why he says it: Your closest pal may get on your husband's nerves, but he won't flat-out say he doesn't like her; he's afraid you'll be mad that he doesn't like someone who's important in your life. How to keep him honest: Let him express his full opinion about your girlfriend "She complains a lot, but she's loyal to you" instead of asking him if he likes her, recommends Hirschhorn.

Why he says it: Your fridge is fully stocked, so he doesn't need to go. She had convinced herself he was being thoughtful not to push the sex issue for many months.

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She was relieved when her husband not only denied it but was so taken aback that she knew it was an outrageous thought to him. What could possibly tell you that? She continued with a sigh of relief as the conversation quickly turned light and chatty. Still not adding up Things changed a little after that. There was one time he initiated sexual contact, and he did bring in his phone a couple of nights.

She knew she was overtired, stressed, and hormonal. A lot of mail had shown up that day, and Jane later learned it was a mistake made by the new secretary. She cried for hours until his return home that evening, when she immediately confronted him.

See the signs: How to know if he’s straying

He explained that although he talked to various lawyers there, he made calls through the switchboard number since that was the one he had committed to memory and he got connected to whomever he needed to speak with. I called the number in front of him and sure enough it was a major law firm in town.

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I felt like a fool. One Wednesday night, she met a former colleague of her husband at a charity dinner. But he had no choice, and besides, it seemed like he felt bad for me. It seemed that everybody knew about it, and some people even assumed they were together at times. Jane was livid and, promising not to reveal the source of the information, contacted her husband. I mean, he owed me that at the very least. Today, he is living with the other woman and still claims that the relationship was never more than professional until after the separation.

Everyone knows lying is wrong, yet it seems almost everyone does it in some fashion. We want to believe the ones we love; we want to depend on others to present the reality for us, because we are so reliant on our world being consistent and having a predictable outcome. Still, we hope that those who love us — especially our children and spouse — will be honest even if doing so results in criticism and angry responses. Why do cheating men lie?

Prepare to be surprised. Men seem to believe that telling the truth about cheating is a really bad idea. It was only then that the attorney brought out multiple pictures taken by a private investigator of this man spending lots of time with the very woman he denied knowing. Satisfied, the attorney asked the husband how he could lie to the court. And then lie some more.

Once a man tells the truth about cheating, life changes dramatically and with lightning speed. Plus, now he has to be more emotional. Lying seems to win out.

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What about love? But what about love, you ask? What about his desire to truly connect and love you and get past this and grow from it even and work to make things better? Keep in mind that this man has cheated on you, which indicates some lack of love, a disconnect, feeling lost, and a dissatisfaction with you and the marriage.

Emotional talk is not as comfortable for your husband as you might think. Under these conditions, lying wins out. And there is no easy answer. Even after cheating, this process is the ultimate healer.

A commitment to keep constant tabs on the relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for both of you is the only answer. Do you think your husband would tell the truth if confronted about cheating? My research went to great lengths to pinpoint the percentage of cheating men who lied about the affair. The results were scary. Fifty-five percent of cheating men have never told their wives about the affair, either because the wives have never asked or because they continued to lie about it even after their wives had evidence of the other relationship.

Specifically, 28 percent never told and were never asked, while 27 percent lied even after their wives had some evidence of the relationship. Another 14 percent lied until their wives had evidence. Twelve percent told their wives after being questioned multiple times, 12 percent told after being questioned the first time, and a measly 7 percent told without being questioned.

This means that only 31 percent told their wives because they were questioned. There is no word to describe the experience of being lied to by the one person you chose to commit to for the rest of your life. Where cheating men meet the other woman Where does your husband pick up a new friend who could threaten your marriage? The number one place is the most obvious to me: work. Forty percent of the men in my research met the other woman at work.

Susy McPhee

This suggests that you should keep very aware of who your husband is hanging out with at work. My wife never realized I was away as much as I was. He was finding more and more excuses to be away from home. I did find it curious that only 43 percent said it was a signal of actual infidelity.

Jorge highlighted this idea for me. I asked him how he could not have had any change in sex at home while he was cheating.

See a Problem?

He explained that he had sex about once every three weeks with his wife. When he was cheating, he still maintained the sex at home. Fifty-seven percent of cheating men will cheat and yet not have less sex with their wives, although the usual frequency could be once every couple of months in many struggling marriages.

However, diminished sexual activity was still a large number, telling us that maintaining sexual consistency and frequency is essential for a healthy marriage. The contact you have with your husband during the day, even if it is about the ordinary business of life, still helps you develop a general awareness of each other.

His avoidance of your calls or desire not to spend time with you points to a desire to disconnect, whether he is conscious of it or not. I was insulted but I tried other things and he seemed okay.

But then he started on me for how I was spending the money. Ever since we were married I took care of the finances because I have an educational background in finance. Now he was questioning me and looking over my shoulder. He starts more fights with you Twenty percent said they started more fights with their wives.